Introduction

Thank you for checking out my blog! This is my first blog and I am very excited to be writing it. I have many goals in life. One of them is to write a big fat book one day. Hopefully writing this blog will help prepare me more for writing my book.

Now lets get to the point. Getting Back to You is about how to get yourself back after living in some sort of highly stressful situation. Perhaps you have watched a loved one slowly suffer to death, gone through a divorce, an abusive relationship, or lived with someone with an addiction. These are just some examples as there are many other situations that apply.

It's important to never let the bad things that have happened to you keep you from seeking the good in life. I have to remind myself of this from time to time. However, it can be very hard to get back to normal. Hopefully I can help you get back to a less stressful, happy and healthy life so you can get out there and find the good.

Who am I to help? Well, I've gone through all of the examples I listed. Yes there were many daunting times in my life, but you can't be a writer without having something to write about. You know what they say, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. (Sorry if Kelly Clarkson is stuck in your head the rest of the day.)

It's another one of my goals in life to help as many people as I can so please share my blog with anyone who you think could benefit from reading it. If I am able to help even just one person it would be worth sharing my experiences and all of the efforts I put into this.

Note: Keep in mind that I am NOT any sort of licensed medical professional, and that if you need medical attention for any physical or mental reasons, please seek it!

{photo credit: ebenwatt.wordpress.com}

Your Health is Your Greatest Wealth

When living in a highly stressful situation, you constantly overlook yourself. My first and strongest advice on your road to getting yourself back is to see a doctor.

The longer the situation lasted, the more things you overlooked. Maybe your knee was bothering you, or there was that pain in your chest. Whatever the case was, you probably ignored it and put it off because you were overly worried and stressed about something else. What if the zombie apocalypse happened? Your health would then be your most valuable asset.

When something goes wrong with my car my dad always reminds me, "cars don't fix themselves Stephanie". Although humans do have some self-healing abilities, I like to think this same cars theory applies to us. Something could be wrong that won't heal itself. No matter how invincible you feel, you sometimes need the help of a doctor.

You may also be dealing with anxiety and post traumatic stress from whatever situation you were in. Post traumatic stress doesn't exclusively happen to service members. Dr. Rachel Yehunda is the director of the traumatic stress studies division at Mount Sinai and the director of mental health at the James J. Peters VA Medical Center. She says,

"More than half of all people in the United States are exposed to the kind of event that can give you PTSD." 

I highly recommend reading more about her thoughts on PTSD in this article from the New York Daily News: http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/health/ptsd-affects-people-military-article-1.1393098. She says somewhere between 5-10 percent of men, and between 7-14 percent of women suffer from post traumatic stress disorders. There are effective treatments out there so if you think you may be suffering from this please seek help. Here are some symptoms:

Even if you don't think you need to see a doctor for any reason, if you have gone through something devastating, it is not a bad idea just to get a checkup anyway. You may be suffering from anxiety and not even realize it.

{photo credit: gosmellthecoffee.com}

Repairing Reputable Relationships

When you live with someone with an addiction, or with someone who is abusive, you begin to distance yourself from everyone else who is important in your life. Why? Well, you don't want to face the questions. You don't want to lie anymore. You simply avoid. The more time you spend around others, the more they are going to figure out. Also, if you are in an abusive relationship you are usually under strict control of what you are allowed to do.

Most of the relationships you have built up over time have suffered from your suffering. Now that you are out of the bad situation, it's very important to work on repairing those damaged relationships.

I have been through some difficult times in my life, but I am also very lucky. I'm lucky that my family and friends are extremely supportive, understanding and forgiving. I really don't know how I ended up with so many truly amazing people in my life. Shout out to all of you who have stuck it out with me. Thank you!

I have found that just expressing my feelings to those who matter has been the best healing process of all. As it turns out the people I care so much about care about me too.

Some damaged relationships may not be salvageable. This is just something you are going to have to accept. Those who matter and truly care for you will just be happy to have you reach out to them. You may find it very difficult to do and not know where to even begin. Simply start with "I'm sorry" and honesty. You can't get back to you without repairing those reputable relationships.

{photo credit: rosechimera.wordpress.com}

No Excuse For Abuse

You may have seen this PSA air during the 2015 superbowl. I think it is an accurate depiction of the fear you feel when you are in an abusive relationship.

I prefer to keep the sharing of my own history to a minimum as this blog is about helping you. However, sometimes I feel it is necessary to validate my credibility towards certain subjects that I discuss.

I have been in two abusive relationships. One of these relationships included physical abuse, and one did not. Between the two relationships, I have spent 10 years of my life being abused.

The physically abusive relationship happened first. This made the strictly emotionally abusive relationship that much more confusing. I never considered it to be abusive because he never physically harmed me. However, the hands off abusive relationship had more of a psychological effect on me than the hands on abusive relationship did.

Abuse does not have to involve physically harming another person. Abuse can mean physical, psychological or both. Abusive tendencies are not only in one age, race, gender, or sexual identity. Abuse can occur anywhere and between anyone. 

Many people are in abusive relationships and don’t even realize it. The biggest sign that you are in an abusive relationship is fear of your partner. If you constantly have to walk on eggshells around them to avoid an explosion there is a good chance the relationship is unhealthy and abusive.

 

Awareness and education of emotional abuse is very important to me. If you are in a physically abusive relationship you are aware abuse is happening. If you are in an emotionally abusive relationship you may be unaware. If you are unaware you are being abused, it is causing you significant psychological damage. 

If you are living in an abusive relationship, you have very little respect for yourself. The first step toward gaining respect for yourself again is getting out of the unhealthy relationship.

If you think you may be in an abusive relationship please seek help. You don’t have to do this alone and there is somewhere to go. You owe it to yourself to live a happy and healthy life. After all, you only get one.

There is NO excuse for abuse. Please visit http://nomore.org/ or my page of resources to see what you can do to help end domestic violence and sexual assault.

It is my hope that you all are in happy and healthy relationships. I think it is only natural for humans to pair off. I am simply sharing all of this in case someone reading this is in a situation I was once in. I was lucky enough to be educated on domestic violence without seeking it, and now so are you.

The following Power and Control Wheel is widely used in the world of domestic violence. There are several variations, but they are all very similar. The wheel is to be used as a tool to help in identifying abusive actions and behaviors.

{photo credit: noemibetancourt.wordpress.com, video credit:Wall Street Journal}

Healthy Habits

Everyone knows how important it is to eat healthy and exercise. I’m not here to push fitness down your throat. Either you are into it, or you aren’t. I just want to share with you the vast mental benefits of living healthier.

When you look good, you feel even better. If you are already exercising, then you know exactly what I am talking about (and good for you!). Exercise can reduce stress and anxiety, help you sleep more efficiently, and much more. Click on this link to see "13 Mental Health Benefits Of Exercise" from the Huffington Post: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/27/mental-health-benefits-exercise_n_2956099.html

I am sure you have all experienced the feeling of being "hangry". We all get crabby when we are hungry enough. I have noticed in myself that when I don't exercise I exhibit this same crabbiness. I like to say I need to go run the crazy away.
 

I want to encourage you all to exercise. I’m not asking you to run a marathon or even to start going to the gym. The more achievable a goal is, the more likely you are to reach it. If you don’t exercise at all, you could simply start by going for a walk. Start a regiment of going on a sixty minute walk three times per week. You will notice the mental benefits of exercising rather quickly.

{photo credit: galleryhip.com}